Deadly Insanity
by rogue-scholar07
Summary: I know the titile inside the fic is different, but I was rushed in the last update bundle, so bear with me. The Brotherhood, when Rogue lived there, go to a funeral. And Todd finds Butterflies and coffee. R


**I don't own the X-Men, but I wish I did! Anyway, this fic is inspired by way too many crazy funerals to count and a caffeine/sugar overdose. In short, the Brotherhood and X-Men get roped into going to a funeral of a teacher, and the normal insanity ensues.**

**Graveside Insanity**

It was a lovely Monday morning, but that was not to last. The aged French teacher, Mrs. Lark, had passed away over the weekend, and several Bayville High students were waiting to pay tribute. Although, the main reason that most students showed up was for a get-out-of-school-free card. Mutants were no exception.

"I don't even know this lady." Lance said. "Why did we have to come?"

"Because it would do little good to leave you at school with no teachers." Mystique, in her principal disguise, sighed. "You have the day off and should be thankful!"

"I sense impending doom." Rogue said. "You know those idiots are going to ruin this, right?"

"Yes." Mystique sighed. "But we know what happened the last time the boys were left unsupervised."

"Ooh! Lookit the shiny!" Todd chirped as he investigated a coffee pot in the visitation room.

"I think that ship has sailed." Lance quipped. "No, you loon! Don't drink it!"

"This stuff tastes funny." Todd said. "Ooohh! Sugar!"

"Put the sugar packets down this instant!" Mystique shouted.

"The funeral has started, madam." An usher said.

"Great!" Mystique groaned.

"I got him!" Lance said. He was holding the smaller boy by the shirt collar and seat of pants as he carried Todd into the back of the church.

Later, Graveside service 

"Why are we here again?" Rogue asked.

"Because I have to be, and you have no ride home." Mystique explained. "Now keep quiet."

Meanwhile, Todd got distracted by a winged insect.

"Pretty butterfly." He said. He stared at the orange creature for about ten seconds before eating it. No one noticed his eyes spinning in their sockets until he started throwing sticks at Scott Summers.

"Ow!" Scott winced as the third stick fell on his head. "What in the world?"

"It's Toad." Jean whispered. "I'm getting some weird thought waves off of him. Almost like he's drunk."

"I think he is." Kurt said. "He's in the tree."

"That explains the falling branches." Jean shrugged.

"Pull him down." Scott said.

"No!" Jean hissed under her breath. "We'll blow our cover!"

"And we just let him keep this up?" Scott asked.

"Yes." Jean said. "Let the Brotherhood handle him."

"Toad! Get down from there!" Lance growled.

"They're about to pray!" Rogue hissed.

Yeah, that happened.

"Get back here you maniac!" Lance shouted as Brotherhood and X-Men chased Toad around the cemetery.

"Aw, Gross!" Scott groaned, gazing at his newly stained jacket.

"He's in the tree again!" Kitty shouted.

"Not anymore!" Jean said as she pulled him down. "Hey! Get back here!"

"Why did you let him go?" Lance groaned. "We'll never catch him now!"

"Arg!" Rogue exclaimed as she caught Todd in a choke hold. "That's it! Back to the car!"

" I'll get him." Lance again grabbed the boy by his clothing and carried him back to the car.

"What set him off?" Jean asked.

"Like he needs a reason?" Kurt quipped.

"I think it was either the coffee or the sugar." Lance said as he returned.

"Or both, genius!" Rogue shouted. "Now let's leave before we get in more trouble!"

"Maybe we just need to pay her to get her to join us." Scott mused as Mystique's car screeched out of the cemetery.

"You remember what the Professor said!" Jean exclaimed. "She has to come of her own will."

"Although if everyday life for them is like this, it might not take much convincing." Kurt said.

Later at the boarding house… 

"No! Put the chair down!" Mystique yelled.

"Oh, no, he's up the chimney again!" Lance shouted.

"Then get him!" Mystique ordered.

"Ow!" Lance cried out as a chair hit him on the head. "That's not funny, Toad!"

"Where did he get the shark?" Rogue asked as Todd proudly waved an inflatable shark around like a sword.

"I am ninja Toad!" He shouted.

"You're gonna be roadkill if you don't get back down here!" Lance shouted.

"And for the love of all thinks holy, put your shirt back on!" Rogue shouted.

"TOAD!" Mystique ran out into the back yard. Todd was still on the roof.

"I am invincible!" Toad proclaimed.

"That's it!" Lance groaned. He used his powers to shake the ground. The sudden tremor made Toad slip right off of the roof and onto the lawn.

"What do we.."

Click!

Thud.

"Do." Rogue finished in confusion after Mystique shot the boy.

"It's a tranquilizer." Mystique explained. "Now we can just dump him somewhere."

"Don't look at me!" Rogue threw her hands in the air.

"I'll do it." Lance grumbled. "Where did he get that shark anyway?"

"Who knows!" Mystique groaned. "Just do something with him!"

Across town… 

"Where'd the shark floaty go?" Duncan asked.

"You have a shark floaty?" One of his buddies (we'll call him Bruce) asked, then burst out laughing.

"Is that slime in the pool?" Another dude (Mike) pointed.

"I am going to kill the one responsible for this!" Duncan shouted.

"Poor Duncy misses his stuffed sharky!" Bruce guffawed.

"It's not funny!" Duncan shouted as both of his friends continued to joke.

Back at the boarding house… 

"Hey, there's a name written on the bottom." Rogue said. "Oh shit!"

"Language, young lady!" Mystique growled.

"But the name is D. Matthews!" Rogue said. "I knew that weirdo would get us killed!"

"Well, just tap him tomorrow and you won't have to suffer." Mystique said.

"Use my powers in school?" Rogue blinked.

"We'll say he had a reaction to steroids." Mystique said. "No one will know it was you."

"I'd rather have the walking garbage heap in my head than Matthews!" Rogue said.

"Fine, I'll come up with some creative way of returning it!" Mystique said. "Go inside, you have two tests in the morning."

"Joy unbounded." Rogue quipped.

The next day… 

"How did this get in my locker?" Duncan blinked. The now deflated shark was folded and stuffed inside. "Strange. Oh well, I'll pummel somebody for it later."


End file.
